You Teach People How to Treat You

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So often we hear people ask the ...
"Why ... hey treat me/us so badly?".
The honest answer, inmost cases, is "Because you let him, her or they!"If that seems too simple an answer, think o So often we hear people ask the question, "Why doeshe/she hey treat me/us so badly?". The honest answer, inmost cases, is "Because you let him, her or they!"If that seems too simple an answer, think of it this way.
Youmake a date for lunch with someone new. They arrive twentyminutes late, citing traffic, office hold ups, the weather,their car or their kids.
Of course, things do happen todetain even the best intentioned person. You accept theapology and have a lovely lunch.
The next time you have lunchwith this person, they are thirty minutes late. Aha, theremay be a pattern developing.
What do you do?Unless you do not mind this behavior, you then have theopportunity to teach that person how to treat you. Goodcommunication skills come into play.
You can say somethinglike, "One of the things I've found works for me is to behonest with people. I really enjoy your company and wouldlike to continue meeting for lunch.
I know things come up atthe last minute and sometimes traffic can be horrendous. I'dlike us to agree that either of us can leave if the other ismore than fifteen minutes late? Would that be all right withyou?" This clearly communicates what you need and wantwithout ascribing blame.
It builds relationship when you makeclear agreements with people. Would it be all right with youif an employee came to work consistenly one-half hour late?No, there is an agreement about the starting time, isn'tthere? The same is true of our own time.One of my favorite quotes comes from John Powell.
In hisbook, The Secret of Staying in Love, he wrote that "the geniusof good communication is to be totally kind and totally honestat the same time." I repeat this quote often to remind myselfhow to approach teaching people how to treat me. If I do nottell the truth about what works for me, I cannot expectanother person to honor and respect it.
Learning to teachpeople how to treat us takes practice.You may still have folks who have been in your life for a longtime who take advantage of you, treat you poorly, or areangry, abusive or violent. A habit has been established andthey may like it a lot! Consider telling them the truth abouthow their behavior affects you and what changes would make therelationship feel more respectful and caring for you.
Beboth honest and kind. Be prepared to have to repeat thisinformation consistently over time.
It is sometimes"inconvenient" for these folks to remember that you have nowstated your preferences. They may not want to change.Holding these boundaries also requires attention on your part.Once you have asked for the change, you must insist on it orconsider giving up the relationship.
Both of these tasks takepositive self-esteem and self-confidence.Relationships worth having are mutually respectful andresponsive. Think about how you might like to apply thesethoughts in your daily life.
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