The most notable feature of zombies and other dead things is that they are not very smart. ... happens to their logical thinking process in the nether world just before they rise again to terro The most notable feature of zombies and other dead things is that they are not very smart. Something happens to their logical thinking process in the nether world just before they rise again to terrorize their chosen hero and heroin. Speaking of heros, have you noticed that there is always one of each gender of hero/heroinmale and femaleeveryone else is always killed off so they can be alone. Romantic, right? And they always kiss at least once and usually during the most dangerous time, when in real life they would both be having a hard time just keeping their quivering kidneys in check. I know if a dead thing was chasing me, Id definitely have an urgent need for the closest powder room. But, I digress. An un-dead creatures intelligence level is obviously to be questioned. Remember Frankensteins monster? Bulldozes right through wooden doors designed to keep an army of bloodthirsty, marauding hordes out. Then what does he do? He forgets where hes going and stops to smell a flower and smile at a sweet, little street urchin whos out panhandling for her shiftless mother. When he remembers that hes supposed to be a killer, he growls and lumbers out into the smog to find victims. Now where is the logic in that? There was a perfectly good victim standing right in front of him, easy pickings, no fuss, no muss. Did he recognize it? No. Instead he spends half the night chasing screaming peasants around cold, damp, cobbled streets and ends up going down in flames for his efforts. Duhh! What about Zombies? They will stand and beat on a door that the hero just slammed in their faces for hours. Hello, dead things! Use the other door for Heavens sake. (Okay, maybe not for Heavens sake, but you get the idea.) Or why dont they use the window? But nooo, they keep pounding on that one door until it splinters and instead of turning the door knob, they thrust their arms through and growl because they cant quite reach the iron-kidney hero who just pushed the heroine out the other door so they can run away. The delay, of course, gives the hero and heroine plenty of time to get away, kiss and other assorted mushy things. Meanwhile the zombies are still trying to figure out how to turn the damned door knob. But theyre dead! you say. Yes and no. Why do you think we call them un-dead? Theyre walking arent they? Well really sort of shuffling, but theyre on two feet. And they talk or moan or groan or something along the guttural lines. And they always know exactly where the people they are chasing are because they always show up no matter where the hero runs with his heroine. That means they have control of their faculties, right? Speaking of control, have you ever noticed that zombies never need to go to the bathroom? They devour entire human bodies, (using atrocious table manners, I might add) and drink gallons of human blood, but they never have to go. Why is that? Maybe kidneys of steel are a requirement to be in flick like this? And their personal hygiene, UGGH! Matted hair, toothless mouths, grubby skin, and tattered clothes. Havent they ever heard of Colgate®? And they dont care! They even sometimes have orgies around a bonfire and not a drop of water or a cake of soap anywhere in sight. Not even a single spray of Binaca®! What kind of logic is that? I wouldnt think of attending an orgy without my breath mintsAhemeruhnot that Ive everahwell anyway, back to zombies. I think someone ought to set the movie industry straight. Un-dead creatures deserve the same treatment as any other monster. Heck, even The Blob took an occasional dip in the river. And did you ever saw Dracula in a wrinkled suit? Get with it Hollywood. Clean up your act. Justa Rant, Jo Copyright 2000 S. Joan Popek. Copyright on all material in this publication is held by S. Joan Popek. Any use without expressed written permission is strictly prohibited. Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com .
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Why its Important to Manage Your Holiday Calendars?
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A well-balanced, nutritious diet is vital in keeping your dog healthy and happy. However, with many available diets, selecting the right diet for your dog can present a significant challenge. Domesticated dogs are primarily carnivores, but they tend to be omnivores in dieting. However, when deciding on what diet to...
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Dog's Diet
A well-balanced, nutritious diet is vital in keeping your dog healthy and happy. However, with many available diets, selecting the right diet for your dog can present a significant challenge. Domesticated dogs are primarily carnivores, but they tend to be omnivores in dieting. However, when deciding on what diet to...