The Prodigal Prince Fred, (Tasmanian Fred, Royal Spoiled Brat)

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The Prodigal Prince ...
Fred, Royal Spoiled Brat) THE SETTING Luke 15:11 "There was a man who had two sons.Far away, long before children had ... lived a ...
'Devil' named "Fr The Prodigal Prince Fred,(Tasmanian Fred, Royal Spoiled Brat) THE SETTING Luke 15:11 "There was a man who had two sons.Far away, long before children had beds,There lived a Tasmanian 'Devil' named "Fred"Prince Frederick the Fifth, Son of Frederick the FourthWho ruled the Tasmanian Kingdom, of course.King Frederick was noble and goodly and niceThe Tasmanians loved him- from mooses to miceThey also loved King Freddy's nicely son "Ned"But oh how they hated that nasty Prince Fred.Prince Freddy was snooty and cocky and smugglyHe hung with his "gang", "The Tasmanian Thugglies"They loved to break furniture, quarrel, and fightAnd steal kiddies' candies on Halloween night.They'd cruise through the countryside hooting and howlingKicking the kangaroos, shooting and scowlingScaring the children asleep in their bedsAnd thumping the night owls on top of their heads; they'dthrow rocks through windows and break into storesThey'd put piles of doo-doo by people's front doorsAnd laugh at the look in the nice people's eyesWhen they stepped out and stepped in Fred's "poo-poo surprise."And the townspeople said, "For these prattles and pranksWe'll break out our paddles- PRINCE FRED NEEDS A SPANK!"And oh how they spanked him- they swatted and popped himBut Prince Freddy liked the attention it got him -His horrible habits would not go awaySo he pranked every night and got spanked every day.Luke 15:12The younger one said to his father, `Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them. But what Fred only knew was that he had grown wearyTasmanian teasing was boring and drearyHe'd broken or messed up most everything thereAnd he ached for a change- a breath of fresh air.So he said "hey King Daddy-O, gimme my MoneyI 'm sick and I'm tired of you, Neddy and MummyI'm gonna go where the grasses are greenerThe girls are much cuter, the cows are much leanerWe'll conquer the world, my Thugglies and meTHEY'RE my real family- They love me, you'll see."King Frederick wiped a big tear from his eye, said,"Dear Son Freddy, please don't say goodbye"The world is a jungle, cruel and abusingYou'll get bamboosled, you'll get a bad bruising.But Freddy shouted, "Quiet, you looney old manJust gimme my money, as fast as you can!"King Frederick thought "I don't owe him a thing"But I'll follow the counsel of Cousin King StingWho said "Sometimes love is to let people be"for "If you love someone you must set them free."King stood up and said, I'll give half of my kingdomThen Fred will see just how much I love him(But Freddy just stood looking bored and half-sickAnd said "good enough, Daddy, -let's make it quite quick!").Out came the servants with barrels and trunketsSilver by truckloads, Doubloons by the bucketsDeeds for the land, for the houses and castlesClothes with gold hats zippers and diamonds on tassles.And when finally they'd loaded the loot and the bootyPrince Fred turned around with a shout super-snooty"Good riddance, Good King, and Tasmania tooI'll conquer the world, just like I conquered YOU!THE SQUANDERINGLuke 15:13 "Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living."So Fred bought a ship and a giant JalopeThe Thugglies and some of the girlies came hoppingThey sailed off to Greece, to Italia and ThebesGermania, San Pedro, the Isle of Saint DweebesMorocco, Swahili, Israeli, BombayCalcutta, Cape Cod, Albakerkie and SpainThe Thugglies all cheered "2,4,6, and 8Freddie's the Thugguly we 'preciateWe really love you, not just for your money-You're every boy's buddy, and every girl's honey.They sailed to Cape horn where the Africans danceGot drunk on bamboo juice and wet in their pants(They drove the Jalope all through the Sahara'til it broke down in the hot desert weatha')They Flew on a flybird to HulaHuLooAnd swiggled and swayed like the hulahoo's dooThey took a fast train to Bermuda for fishingAnd snork'ling and swimming and winnihee wishingThen off to Arabia seeking the carpet-The magic one- and when the found it Fred bought itThey rode like the wind on a magical flightSo close to the stars they could kiss them goodnightAnd they laughed and they sang and they never once worried ...Til they ran out of gas in Pougkipsee, MissouriStarving and thirsting from singing and laugingThey searched out a truck stop for eating and gassingThey ordered hamburglers and ice cream and coke-That's when Fred said with a gasp- "Friends, I'm broke!"His 'friends' said, "Hey, Freddy-O, you must be jokin'"Fred said "I'm not..." and they started to choke him"Why have you brought us out here to Missouri?!"-they cried and they cried 'til their vision was blurry.They beat Fred that night 'bout the head and the shouldersKicked him and pelted him hard with small boulders,Then pooled every cent they'd embezzled from FredHopped a bird home and left Fred for dead.PIGSLuke 15:14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need.
When Fred awoke in the ditch the next tuesday,Angry and dizzy and battered and bruisedySeeing he needed some doct'ring and nursingHe wobbled and bobbled back into Poughkipsee.'These people will serve me as soon as they seeMy royal credentials, my choice pedigreeI'm Frederick the Fifth, Son of Frederick The FourthHeir to the crown of Tasmania, of course!'"Tasmania!", they laughed, "why it sounds to meLike this boy's been eating the wackety weed!He thinks he's a Prince, but it's clear, he's a fake (disgrace)From the thuggardly look on his uggardly faceHe's nothing but trouble, repair bills, and griefPoughkipsee has no need for this little thief!"Luke 15:15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs.Luke 15:16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. So Fred limped down the road, saw a farmer named Rooflus(fat, bald, and sweaty and dirty and toothless)Who said, "You can feed all my pigglies, you dooflus!"So Fred slept in the barn with the hogs in MissouriWhere roachies and rats and reegreechies would scurrySo dark and so cold in the yuck and the stormHe'd hug to the hogs in the mud to keep warm.And up with the sunrise Ol' Rooflus came screaming"TIME TO SLOP HOGS- STOP YOUR SNORING AND DREAMING"And oh- how Fred hated to wake up each dayFor he dreamed of his soft bed, back home, far away.Then Rooflus would swat with his sluggardly-stickFred'd jump for the bucket of schloppettyschlick,full of sloopage and scumdredge and leftover lardy,rotten vomatoes and chunkies of barfy.Fred got so hungry his tummy would gurgleWhen he'd spy a bitey of uneaten burgleFloating about in the schloppetyschlickBut Rooflus said "NO SIR, NOT ONE LITTLE BIT"For hogs need to eat, they are useful and tastyBut you're good for nothing; you're stoopid and lazy .And the only thing Fred was the Prince of was pigs(But the pigs ate much better than Fred ever did!)REPENTANCELuke 15:17 "When he came to his senses, he said, `How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!Luke 15:18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.Luke 15:19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' And slowly, sneaking as if by surprisean idea began growing behind Freddy's eyes'til one day he came to his senses and said,"If I stay with these hogs pretty soon I'll be DEAD!"The servants that work for my Dad eat like KingsAnd all I can eat is regreechichies and squingsAnd moldy old swatches of schlochettyschlickLeft where the piggelet's tongues couldn't lick.So I'll hike back to Father and beg for a job'cause I've got experience slopping these hogs!Of course he won't let me back into the houseSince I spent all his money out being a louseI'm no longer worthy of being his sonBut I'm great with the hogs- I can get the job done.EATING HUMBLE PIELuke 15:20 So he got up and went to his father.So Fred ran away from Pougkipsee and RooflusHitchedhiked a wildebeest down to San LucasStowed away in the gut of a whale named JonahTil the whale barfed him out on the beach of Pomplona!He ran in a rickshaw to KatmanduduNambibia, Naples and Kalamazoo.After 7 long years of swimming and running(It takes a long time without daddy-o's funding)Fred saw the land he'd remembered in dreams-The shores of Tasmania- sparkling and clean.FATHER WELCOMES HIM:"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.Now King Frederick feared that young Fred had diedBut day after day, the King strained his old eyesPeering through periscopes over the hillsPraying that Fred would come home to him still.And that day, the greatest day, what did he see?Floundering Freddy afloat on the seaThe King ran like an antelope, threw out a raftPulled Freddy onto the beach with a laugh.Luke 15:21 "The son said to him, `Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.
I am no longer worthy to be called your son.Freddy coughed up all the seaweed and watersaid, please don't kill me, but hear me out, FatherI've sinned, I'm a joke, I'm a heel of a schmuckI'm mother's worst nightmare- bait for bad luck, soJust let me live in the shack with the peasantsSlopping the hogs, or dressing the pheasantsI'm no longer worthy to be called your sonBut I've learned to slop hogs- I can get the job done!Luke 15:22 "But the father said to his servants, `Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.Luke 15:23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it.
Let's have a feast and celebrate.Luke 15:24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate. King said,"Son, we've no hogs, we're Tasmanian JewsBut you're home alive- That's the greatest of news!""So bring him my robe, put my ring on his handLet's throw a party all over the landStrike up the band let the hoopla aboundFor Prince Fred was lost; HOORAY, he's been found!"OLDER SON GETS MAD:Luke 15:25 "Meanwhile, the older son was in the field.
When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing.Luke 15:26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on.Luke 15:27 `Your brother has come,' he replied, `and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'Luke 15:28 "The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him.Luke 15:29 But he answered his father, `Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders.
Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends.Luke 15:30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!' But Fred's brother Ned wasn't dancing with gleeNed sat there, lips pouting all pitifully Saying,"Hey daddy-o - I'm as nice as can be-But when did you throw a big party for ME?I worked and I slaved and busted my buttocksWhile that little twirp spent your loot like a dumb-ox.FATHER GIVES MORALLuke 15:31 "`My son,' the father said, `you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.Luke 15:32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'" "But Ned", said the King, "You're already with meWhat's mine is all yours, far as eagle eyes seeSo come on! Let's party, let's rock & get down'cause Fred, left for dead, is alive and in town!"And this, goobs and gurls, is the way God loves youWhatever you say, sin, bamboozzle or do,When you come running home with your arms open wideGod says, "Come on in, love! There's a party inside!"© Copyright 1989 Troy NilssonYou may reprint this story in whole or in part if you: 1) Notify Troy Nilsson of the use, 2) Prominently include credit "© Troy Nilsson of NilssonMedia.org" with the used material. Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com .