Give your relationship a workout
Have you ever had a fight over nothing? Seems like a dumb ...
doesnt it? It just doesnt make sense. But if youre dating, or know someone who is, you know exactly what Im talking about.
You s Have you ever had a fight over nothing? Seems like a dumb question, doesnt it? It just doesnt make sense. But if youre dating, or know someone who is, you know exactly what Im talking about.
You say: Whats the matter? They say: Nothing. You say: Are you sure? They say: Its nothing. You say: Its obviously something. You look upset. They say: Youre an (expletive). You say: Huh? And so it begins.
She calls him names. He brings up something from 3 weeks ago.
The ex boyfriend comes up. He says something he really doesnt mean.
You can end up arguing about this for another half hour, just to find out that she had a crappy commute this morning, or that he doesnt think you spend enough time together. In the end, youre drained, exhausted, and cant believe you just used up all that energy.
Your heart is racing. That vein in your forehead is throbbing.
You want some water. You feel like you just ran a marathon.
You just had a relationship workout. As much as your delts, biceps or quads, youve gotta exercise your relationship every once in a while.
Give it a little stretch. Unfortunately, most people overlook the easiest way to put energy into their relationship and feel exhausted at the end rolling around on the floor, making sweet monkey love to one another.
No, they seem to prefer often-pointless yelling matches about whose turn it is to wash dishes, or why socks are in the middle of the living room floor. And in an ironic twist, its most likely to happen when one or the both of you is at your most tired.
A tried-and-true relationship workout is getting caught in a lie. Because we all know, most people wont just admit that they lied.
Theyll talk in circles. Theyll make up excuses.
Or worse, theyll make up MORE lies. If youre dealing with a professional, this can go on for days.
For the liar, this works the mouth muscles, and agility, because they have to do a lot of fancy footwork. For the party being lied to, the workout is focused on the belly and jaw, where theyre keeping their mouth shut and squeezing their abdominals to keep from laughing at your outrageous story.
Another example? The ever-popular I shouldnt have to tell you whats the matter. You should already know. Now we all know this means youre in trouble.
And even bigger trouble because you dont even know what you did wrong. At this point, asking the other party to tell you what you did wrong is roughly the equivalent of tearing off a scab the size of a Buick.
Its only going to serve to piss them off even more. But what do you do? You see, this part of the workout is just a warm-up.
Youve got to use up a lot of energy just to find out what youll be arguing about. So pace yourself.
Its a most challenging set. But now what? You cant exactly start listing all the things you may have done wrong, hoping to hit the right one.
Because you may end up listing something that he or she doesnt know about. How much would that suck? Shes pissed off because you forgot your 3-month anniversary, but you apologize for scratching her car.
He didnt want chicken for dinner again, and you blurt out that youre boinking his best friend. From here on out, this workout is one we like to call the back-pedal.
It mainly works the brain and the tongue. And rest assured, youll really work up a sweat with this one.
Depending on what you blurt out (and your back-pedal technique), you may actually get to work your upper body as you pack and move your bags. Another approach is to flatly apologize for whatever you did, even if you have no clue as to what your offense was.
If the other party is easily dazed or confused, this may work in conjunction with a quick change in subject, or jazz hands. It works particularly well if you throw in something the other party really likes. An example? Well, whatever I did, Im sorry.
Want to get a sundae at Dairy Queen? I didnt mean it. Want some Prada shoes? (Then the jazz hands) This is a nice, quick, low-impact workout.
However, if your partner is quick-witted, you may still have to resort to the back-pedal. If theyre pros, theyll get the shoes or the sundae from you, never verbally accept your apology, and pick up where you left off as soon as you get home.
Just a couple of examples for you. Im sure youve got your own workouts, too, but Ill still argue that hot monkey lovin is the way to go.
Oh yeah. One last thing.
If at any point during your relationship, you feel the burn, you might want to visit a clinic. Soon.
Thats the rant. Copyright 2001 by Kwame DeRoche' SUBSCRIBE FREE! Just e-mail
[email protected] or visit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kwamrants Check out Kwam's other columns at Zromance.com (East Meets West), YouMarriedHim.com (A Man's View), and GetRomantic.com ! Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com .